It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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