I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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