Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
