I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
