i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
