I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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