Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
