FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When did angry sex become our thing?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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