Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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