I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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