are you still at the devil's house?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
