So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
