I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
