My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
