I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
