Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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