Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
