Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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