oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
