My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
