he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
