Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
