spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
