it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
