So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
