Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
