I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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