: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
