I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
