Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
