My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize