woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
