My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
