Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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