Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
