Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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