Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
