You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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