So drunk its hurt
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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