if i can run in heels then i can drive
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
