you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
