i already hear my dad disowning me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
