Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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