My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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