The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
