just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
