Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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