i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
