he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize