now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
