Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
