Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
