And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
