hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize