My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
