Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
