My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
