I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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