'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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