Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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