THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
