Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize