Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
