Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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