I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
