Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
